


Ex's & Oh's

by jacinth



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Louis, Famous Harry, Harry made a big ass mistake, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, LITERALLY, Louis is all over the place, M/M, Manipulation, Multiple Partners, Ordinary Louis, Overhearing Sex, Past Infidelity, Past Relationship(s), Possessive Behavior, Promiscuity, Recreational Drug Use, Revenge, Revenge Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 17:54:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3738106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacinth/pseuds/jacinth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Niall announces he's getting married, Louis is forced to spend a week in Hawaii with the man who cheated on him and broke his heart five years earlier. Fortunately, his 'friend with benefits' Indigo, agrees to come along for support. Awkward situations, drunken shenanigans, revenge, jealousy and sex ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Everybody Wants A Lover Like That

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 2 part story. Thought i'd post it to tide some of you over til the next chapter of King + Cross. Title taken from the Elle King song of the same name. 
> 
> I really can't stand cheating fics where one cheats and the other takes him back with no repercussions... so I wrote this after reading too many of those. Hopefully it's a bit different.
> 
> Sorry for mistakes!
> 
> Also, Francisco Lachowski is 'Indigo'  
> http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnuny7mTzv1qf7jgro1_500.gif Yeah. Can't blame Louis for hopping on that ride.

[**_Well, I had me a boy, turned him into a man_**](https://youtu.be/X9OvgrxaPKU)  
**_I showed him all the things that he didn't understand_**  
**_Whoa, and then I let him go..._**  
  
“Pass me the vanilla, boobear?”

Louis pulled an unimpressed face at his mum and handed it to her, shaking his other wrist in an attempt to relieve the strain. They were making Lottie's birthday cake. No one ever asked for store bought as Jay worked in a bakery and always added her own extra ingredients and anything else tasted like sawdust. Both mother and son danced around each other with practice, alternating between bowls depending who was closer. Louis wiggled his hips to some catchy pop song playing on the radio that sat on the counter, positive he would be humming it in his sleep for the next week.  
  
“Have you thought about the wedding?” Jay asked cautiously. It was dangerous territory.  
  
“Niall's my best friend,” Louis shrugged, annoyed with her obvious tip-toeing and barely able to rein in the snappish tone. He was tired of being treated like he was going to have a breakdown at the slightest mention of _him_.

It had been five years and Louis was a bloody adult.

This walking on eggshells behaviour from everyone bothered him more than what they thought they were protecting him from. Didn't they realize he was numb by now? Wasn't his inability to maintain a solid, monogamous relationship, and his multiple one night stands a big enough clue? - to his friends, not his mum, she still thought he was the virginal, chubby fifteen year old with glasses- he wished they would all just stop. “If...Harry's there, fine. We're both mature adults who can handle a few hours in each others presence long enough to see our best friend get married.”

Jay gave her son a sad smile. She knew his pain and wished she could do something to help. Louis wasn't someone to love with half of his heart; once he fell, there was no coming back. He reminded her of a little turtle dove, loving only once, never able to take another true mate in life once the first had gone. She also knew Louis had his escapades, but for his sake, she pretended to be unaware. Despite this, he had never once brought someone new home to meet her. Whether he knew it or not, it was clear Louis' heart had belonged to Harry from the first day they met, and _whether or not_ it was good for him, she knew it would remain so. Obviously, there were things she could never comprehend and never would, one of which being why Louis wouldn't just go to the other boy and put an end to this self-imposed emotional deep-freeze he'd been in.

The pair had broken up nearly five years ago after Harry's band had gotten a record deal but she knew there was more to the story. Louis never seemed ready to tell her what had really happened. Whatever it was, it was bad, that much she was certain of. Louis had absolutely adored Harry without reservation. The kind of love that worried her at times, or would have, if it hadn't been so blatantly obvious that Harry felt the same.

For Louis to turn his back on Harry in such a way no matter how the younger boy had begged and pleaded for him to come back, the situation was without a question, catastrophic.

“It will be nice for you all to reunite again,” Jay agreed, watching the way her son's hand tightened around the measuring cup.

“I suppose.” Louis hummed, continuing with his task and praying to whoever might be listening that she wouldn't push further. 

“ _That was Natasha Bedingfield with These Words._ _A_ _n oldie but a goodie! Up next we have a special treat for all you_ _ **Transcending**_ _fans out there! We have front man_ _and drummer_ _Harry Style_ _s_ _in the studio with us! He'll be answering a few questions and sharing the band's brand new single!_ ”  
  
Louis squeezed the spoon he was currently holding and rolled his eyes heavenward. _Really?_

Jay paused as well, eyeing him curiously. It was a little ironic, she thought. Still, the old saying rang true: Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Louis, caught between wanting to chuck the radio out the bloody window and wanting to... _listen_ , had him stabbing the measuring spoon into the flour.

The difficult thing about having an ex in the music industry was that it was nearly impossible to escape them. When you turned on the television, radio, blogged, if the person was liked, there they were. And for the last five years, Louis hasn't been able to escape Harry. The younger man's looks and charm had made the band famous, not that Louis was surprised - he'd been on the receiving end (no pun intended) of that charm before, it was easy to get lost in. 

However, he usually switched the channel whenever Harry's name was mentioned. It wasn't always effective. He'd heard the band's songs while out at a pub or in his own club, in the mall and once while he had been getting fucked in the backseat of (he couldn't remember the bloke's name) a car.

Shockingly, it hadn't been a mood killer as he'd originally thought. Hearing Harry's voice crooning about sex and drugs had him coming before the bloke he was with even had a chance to get started. Louis had been somewhat grateful, the song could have been about heartbreak or all consuming love, so he'd been safe there in a way. At the same time, Harry's music (the little of it he'd heard) itched at him. All of the songs Transcending released were about drugs, sex, and women. _Women_. He hadn't heard many of their songs but it was enough to piss him off. He didn't get _one_ song? Not that he would know he supposed, he could have missed that particular bit. He hadn't ever listened to the entire albums – there were three- it still annoyed him to no end.

“ _Harry!_ ” The radio host's voice broke Louis from his thoughts. He ground his teeth. He couldn't bloody stand Grimshaw, the whiny scag. “ _Great to see you, mate!_ ”

“ _Thanks for having me._ ”

Louis' heart gave a squeeze upon hearing the deep voice he'd once loved so well. It was the same relaxed drawl he remembered, perhaps a bit deeper.

“ _How are you, mate?_ ”

“ _Good, good. Just finished the last leg of our tour. Exhausting, but it's worth it, you know? And we've_ _um, we've_ _recorded a new album on the road as well, so, yeah!_ ”  
  
“ _I imagine you can find a lot of inspiration on the road..._ ” Grimshaw trailed off and Louis could almost _hear_ him winking. The sleaze.  
  
“ _Absolutely. The sights, the people, experiences, even the food!_ ”

“ _Just writing songs about sausage gumbo, then?_ ”

Harry snorted into the mic. “ _Yeah, but they won't be on the album._ ”  
  
Louis stabbed the contents of the bowl as the banter continued, aware of his mum watching.

“ _Touring must be hell on the love life – notice I didn't say sex life._ ”

Harry laughed and Louis knew him well enough to know it was forced. “ _It definitely can be, but I'm, uh, actually seeing someone, so it's not at the moment._ ”  
  
Swallowing convulsively, Louis felt his stomach twist. He shouldn't be surprised, it had been five years. Just because he couldn't hold down a solid relationship doesn't mean Harry would have the same problem. Didn't stop him from wanting to smother this mystery person, however. He tramped it down. Harry wasn't his anymore.  
  
“ _Details, details!_ ” Grimshaw pushed.  
  
“ _A gentleman never kisses and tells, Nick. You know that._ ”  
  
“ _You're no fun._ ”  
  
“ _Jury's out._ ”  
  
Louis managed to suppress a laugh at that but quickly cleared his throat to cover it.  
  
“ _Alright. Tell us about the new single._ ”  
  
“ _It's... uh... it's more personal, I guess you could say. More so than anything we've released previously, which is funny because I actually wrote it in like eight minutes._ ”  
  
“ _Eight minutes! Shit, mate, you must 'ave been tripping on inspiration that day._ ”  
  
“ _Um... A little. I tend to use newer experiences when I write instead of past ones. In_ _the_ _ladder instance, I don't have to look far, I have memories that could provide endless lyrics. I just choose not to draw on that because it feels like I'm exploiting thoughts and um, experiences, that aren't all mine, you know? But this song is... a thought on a memory, I guess. It's like... speaking to someone when they can't hear me, watching them when they can't see me._ ”

Louis felt his chest tighten. Thought on a memory. He sincerely hoped it was the memory of the time Harry smoked weed for the first time, climbed a tree, and refused to come down until Thor and Loki (yes, the movie versions) agreed to get along.

“ _That's not cryptic or creepy at all,_ ” Grimshaw joked. “ _But_   _I'm sure you have plenty of fans who would love you to pull a Christian Grey on them._ ”

Harry cackled. “ _Not into whips mate_.”  
  
“ _That doesn't cross out a whole lot there, Harry, should the general public be concerned?_ ”  
  
“ _I suppose it doesn't, does it.._ ” Harry trailed off suggestively. Louis wanted to kick something.

“ _I'm officially alarmed, thank you, Harry Styles_. _In all seriousness, this song, I've listened to it already, and it sounds like it's coming from a deep place, like we're seeing a new side of you, and how you see something or someone. Personally, I think it's your best work yet._ ”

“ _Thank you very much._ ”

“ _Without further delay, we'd like to play Transcending's new single, Harry, would you like to introduce it?_ ”

“ _Uh... this is... Harry Styles from Transcending and this is our new single Undisclosed Desires._ ”  
  
The music started up and Louis wanted so badly to turn it off, but the desire to hear it won out. He bit his lip as Harry's voice floated out of the speakers.  
  
[_I know you've suffered_](https://youtu.be/bWTuKd2lTo4)  
_But I don't want you to hide_  
_It's cold and loveless_  
_I won't let you be denied_  
  
_Soothing_  
_I'll make you feel pure_  
_Trust me_  
_You can be sure_

Not about the stoned tree climbing incident, then. _Trust me_. Louis scoffed internally. Never.

 _I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_  
_I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask_  
_I want to exorcise the demons from your past_  
_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

Inside, a hurricane was in full force, making his heart throb unpleasantly, his stomach ache like he'd eaten a bowl of thumbtacks. Outside, he kept his face neutral knowing his mum was watching his every eyelash flutter. _Harry. I hate you. I hate you_. A lump had formed in his throat like he was trying to swallow a footie ball as the song continued.

 _You trick your lovers_  
_That you're wicked and divine_  
_You may be a sinner_  
_But your innocence is mine_

Spinning around, Louis grabbed the power chord on the radio and yanked it from the socket before going back to his bowl and neatly cracking an egg.

He wasn't going to that damned wedding. Niall would just have to deal with it.

-:-

“It's _Hawaii!_ ”

Louis switched the phone to his left ear and pushed up onto his tiptoes to reach across the bar. “I can't get time off work.” This was actually a legitimate excuse. Layla was on maternity leave and he was short handed, needing to do almost everything at L3 himself and considering the club was doing quite well, it was a lot to take on. He knew Landon would be able to handle things if he went to Hawaii for a week, but Niall didn't need to know that.  
  
“Louis, I swear on me mum's bread pudding that I will drive all over your lawn and then I'll drag you out your house by the dick.”  
  
Niall had always been a little over dramatic. “Tempting as that is. I think I'll pass.”  
  
“I know why you don't wanna come, you know.”  
  
“ _He_ has nothing to do with it.” Not entirely true.  
  
“You broke up five years ago.”  
  
“I had absolutely no idea, Niall! Thank you for pointing that out!”

“You can't keep avoiding him, Louis. I'm getting married for fuck sake! I want my two best friend there.”

A loud thump was heard as Louis dropped his head on the bar next to the rag in his hand. Banging his forehead against the bar three times before stilling, Louis sighed loudly. “Niall, I-”

He knew he was being selfish, alright? There was no denying it. He just... didn't want to be in the same room with his ex-boyfriend. Was that so hard to respect!? Fuck, he was such a shitty friend. He needed more therapy. Yes. More.  
  
“I'll... be there.” He sighed.

“Yeah buddy!”

Louis hoped Harry tripped on a hula girl and fell into a volcano.

Hopping up on the bar stool, Louis bit his thumbnail before picking up his phone again to ring the only person he could count on to thoroughly distract him.

 _"Yes?_ ” The airy drawl came across the line like syrup and vodka.  
  
“Why do you always answer the phone like a rent boy?”  
  
“Practice makes perfect?”  
  
“ _Indigo._ ”  
  
“Everything alright?”  
  
“I need a favour...”

-:-

“Indie, Jesus...” Louis moaned into the pillow as the other man pulled free from his body and tied off the condom, chucking it before spooning him and running a hand over his sweat slick hip. 

“Feel better?” Indigo murmured into his ear and Louis nodded sleepily. It was a lie. He never felt better. But every time he fucked someone who wasn't Harry, he got a piece of himself back, the traces left behind mentally washing away. It was probably why he'd let so many men touch him. He was a slut, he knew it and the men he “dated” knew it. He didn't particularly like himself for it, but, it made him feel free from the past. And he hoped that one day, he wouldn't remember Harry's touch, that it would be lost in a sea of others. It wasn't working so far. He'd keep trying. Perseverance was one of his better qualities.

“Hmm. Don't think you do... maybe we should get Landon over here...”

Louis chewed his lip, considering it. He'd barely recovered from the last time. Handling Landon and Indie together was like being caught in a hurricane, one that left him unable to stand or even speak and his body sated. It was nice, but he refused to spend time with them outside of the usual bedroom antics. They were evil, sadistic little bastards and he had no idea why he'd ever introduced them in the first place. The last time they'd both taken him on a 'date', they had dragged him to a goddamn sex club. Fun as _that_  had been, he had no intentions of ever doing it again, ever. “Not enough of me to go around tonight, sorry.” He answered finally.

Indigo snorted against his shoulder. “I doubt that. I've watched you take a cock in every-”  
  
“ _Indie..._ ” Louis warned and the man chuckled, amused by his angry little face.  
  
“So, now that that's out of the way.... what's this big favour?”  
  
“How do you feel about going to Hawaii?”  
  
-:-

“Niall. Get away from me with those.”

Jesus Christ in a rubbish bin, they hadn't been out of the air two hours and Niall was already trying to get him to participate in some ludicrous gay strut-fest under the guise of an impromptu Stag Do. They hadn't run-in to Harry yet at least, thank the powers that be.

“It's better than separate Stag Do's like we'd originally planned, and this way everyone can be involved!”

“No.”  
  
“You and Wingo can catwalk-”  
  
“It's Indigo. And no.”

"It'll be fun!"

"No."  
  
“Harry'll be on...”  
  
“Fuck no.”  
  
“How 'bout this. Do this for me or I find a way to lock you in a closet _with_ Harry.”  
  
Louis ground his teeth. “When did you get such a mean streak, you big blond slag.”  
  
“This coming from the walking playground himself? I'm honoured!”  
  
“I'm not wearing a thong.” Louis growled, knowing he wasn't going to win this fight. What Niall wanted, Niall got. Who the bloody fuck wanted an all male runway show for a stag do? Louis felt sorry for Zayn, Niall's fiance, he was clearly whipped if he was shelling out the money to rent the place and pay the models. And now Niall wanted his friends on the runway as well? What had he snorted?

Niall's big stupid face broke into a wide smile and he jumped up and down, clapping his hands like a four year old. Louis felt his eye twitch.

-:-

As Louis examined himself in the mirror, he wanted to find the nearest pool... or toilet and drown himself before this atrocity could unfold. He had told Niall he wasn't wearing a thong, well, the little Irish turd managed to find the next best thing. Somehow, they were more embarrassing than a thong. He turned slightly, frowning at the way his arse cheeks seemed to be tying to escape from the square-cut brown and gold striped silk short-shorts. Booty shorts. That's what they were. And he was almost certain they were women's.

He was loathed to admit, but he knew they were probably the only one's that would fit him. He was thinner than he'd ever been, but unfortunately, it did little to help with his freakishly feminine hips. Indigo had told him more than once he looked like a woman from the waist down. He'd tried working out, lifting weights, protein shakes, and sure he'd gained muscle, but it only seemed to make his... for lack of a better word, curves, more prominent. He'd given up on that nonsense soon enough though, it was no use. Besides, it helped him lure men.  
  
Glaring at the shorts again, Louis pulled on his robe and yanked it shut. He was going to replace the roast pig with Niall. He'd cram an apple in the bloke's mouth, no one would notice.

-:-

“You're up next!” A small ginger girl whispered, ushering Louis toward the tiny hall leading to the stage. Indigo was going ahead of him, the bastard, and Louis was to follow before he reached the end of the catwalk. God. How in fuck's name did he allow himself to be talked into this? It was like he'd wandered into a coke fueled Twilight Zone. The ginger girl ran up to him with a black tube in her hand, causing him to back up a few steps.  
  
“It's to enhance your eyes!”  
  
“No-”  
  
“C'mon Lou,” Indigo smirked, “It'll be hot.”  
  
Rolling his eyes, Louis nodded at the girl and allowed her to smudge his eyes with the kohl and fix his hair. He heard Indigo give a low whistle and he gave the man a crooked smile. A promise of _later_.  
After this disaster, he would be in serious need of a stiff drink and a good fuck. Maybe Indie would find someone who would join them. The thought had him biting his lip while he watched the other man disappear through the curtains as a new song began. 

_"[Put on your war paint](https://youtu.be/vRNXllg77Zo)"_

Louis froze. That was Harry's voice. The audience screamed. And again, he wondered what the hell Niall was thinking. There had to be at least two-hundred people.

_"You are a brick tied to me_

_That's dragging me down-_ ”

Suddenly nerves were eating at his guts and Louis wanted to run and hide, like he was still a that chubby high-school boy who hid behind large jumpers. The insecure boy who had allowed himself to be ripped apart by someone he'd thought loved him. He was seconds from seeing Harry again and he wanted to bolt. _Coward_.

The ginger girl gave him the signal and Louis pushed down the fear and clung to his anger, letting it smolder through the surface along with the knowledge that he could have any bloke he wanted and pushed through the curtains.  
  
“ _I'm back_  
_Doesn't it feel_  
_Like our time is running out_  
_I'm gonna change you_  
_Like a remix_  
_And I'll raise you_  
_Like a phoenix”_

It was terrifying. It was exhilarating. Louis caught a few hungry gazes in the crowd and it made him put an extra little sway in his hips. As he passed Indigo, the older man's arm shot out, catching him across the waist as he leaned in for a quick kiss, his tongue slipping into Louis' mouth, making sure to give everyone a show. The crowd cheered and whistled in response as the drums pounded the background, vibrating the stage beneath their feet.

He winked at Louis as he pulled back before slapping him on the bum and continuing on his way. Turning on his heel, Louis spun to blow him a kiss before doing the same. 

As he reached the end of the catwalk, Louis did a pose, as was tradition apparently, before spinning on his heel. The moment he did, he locked eyes with someone he hadn't seen in person in five years. Someone who looked as if he might smash straight through the instrument if he pushed any harder.  
  
Heart lodged in his throat, Louis headed back up the runway, keeping his eyes on the wall ahead of him, the cheers and lewd shouts growing louder as the guests got the view they paid for.

Louis still wanted to hide under a blanket... maybe Indie would join him and make him forget about the face that never seemed to leave his mind no matter what he did.

-:-

The moment he was backstage again, Indigo was dragging Louis around a corner and into a empty hallway, where he pushed him against the wall, hands gripping his arse tight, just the way he liked it. Looking around quickly, Louis decided the hall was private enough and it wasn't the first time he'd been fucked in public so it wasn't really an issue for him.

Moments later, his shorts were around his ankle as a condom appeared in Indie's hand that he'd had hidden in his own shorts. He was always prepared, Louis thought, amused. After rolling the lubed condom down his shaft, Indie wasted no time in lifting him off the floor so he could wrap his legs around the taller man's waist. Stretching wasn't really necessary anymore as he had sex on a regular enough basis, not to mention they'd fucked right before the show.

Louis forced out a moan as the thick cock slid into him. Indie didn't know the difference. None of them did. It wasn't that Louis wasn't getting pleasure from it, he was. Just not the screaming, toe-curling, eyes rolled back in your head kind. So he moaned loudly to make it seem like it instead. No big thing.

Closing his eyes, Louis curled forward, raking his nails over Indigo's back before resting his chin on his shoulder as the man pounded into him, making sure to let out little whimpers with each thrust, keeping his mind carefully blank so he wouldn't think of those green eyes raking over him... his stomach coiled and the next moan he let out was real. Shit. Pushing the image from his mind, Louis pressed kisses to Indigo's skin and reached between them to bring himself off, the friction inside him not great, but good enough to help him along quicker. Soon enough he felt the familiar tingling in his groin and whispered 'harder' to his partner, who readily complied, sending him off the edge a handful of thrusts later. 

After both men had come, Louis opened his eyes and went rigid as blue met green.

Harry stood not ten feet from them, half hidden behind the black curtain as he watched them, face unreadable, eyes void of any emotion. The two briefly locked gazes for the second time that night before Harry disappeared, the curtain sliding closed silently. Louis swallowed thickly, feeling almost guilty and kicking himself for it seconds later. He had no reason to be guilty.

It was ridiculous.

Harry had hurt _him_.

And if it bothered Harry, well, it was nothing he didn't deserve.

So then, why did _Louis_ suddenly feel like the worst human being to ever walk the planet?

-:-

As Louis slipped into another pair of ridiculous shorts, he caught sight of a naked, muscled back through the curtains. Harry had taken his shirt off. Playing the drums had always made him drip with sweat. Louis couldn't stop the shiver that raced through him. No matter how much Harry had hurt him, it didn't change the fact that no one could play the drums or look so good doing it as he could. Louis bit his lip as he remembered how many times they'd fucked after, sometimes during shows; Harry dripping with sweat after exercising his otherworldly talents on stage while Louis practically writhed watching him.

It had been an intense time and they'd been obsessed with one another; Harry not allowing him out of his sight for long, and Louis' claws coming out whenever someone so much as looked at Harry. All their friends thought they were the shit, a modern day rock n roll couple, some, mainly Cara and Jenna coming to him for sex advice -though he'd only ever been with Harry at the time – he was almost positive it had been an excuse to get all the juicy details from him. Surprisingly, their sex life had been pretty normal aside from a bit of spanking and dirty talk, both Harry and himself had been too possessive to allow anyone else to join them, or even watch.

They'd been together three years before everything came crashing down.

Louis and Harry had gotten into a fight over moving to America after Harry's band had gotten a record deal; Louis hadn't understood the need, plenty of bands had come out with amazing albums from the UK, that wasn't even a question. He'd been so angry at Harry for _telling_ him instead of asking that he'd told Harry to go without him. Harry had slammed out of their shared flat, leaving to do a scheduled show.

After three hours, Louis had cooled down and had decided to go down there. Harry's band had been done by then so he'd figured they could get something to eat and talk.

It hadn't worked out that way.

Louis had been walking around the place for fifteen minutes looking for his boyfriend when he'd stumbled on a scene that would be burned into his mind forever: Harry was fucking someone else.

Louis' world had fallen apart in that one moment.

He'd left before Harry had a chance to see him and went back to their flat, but not before pulling over three or four times to throw up. Louis had wondered if the faceless boy had been the first, or if he had just been too blind to see it happening all along.  
  
By the time Harry had returned home, it was near dawn and Louis had packed all of his bags and was ready to scream Harry out before leaving to go home to his mum. Harry had stumbled down the hall and into the living-room, pausing when he had noticed Louis' suitcases.  
  
“I hope he was worth it.” Louis had said before Harry could speak.  
  
A thump echoed through the room as Harry had dropped to his knees. “L-Lou-”  
  
“Was he the first?” He'd choked, fighting back the tears clogging his throat. “Or have you been making a fool of me this entire time?”  
  
“Th-this was the f-first time, I s-swear on my mother's life. I-I-I drank too much... he was there...he didn't ask.... just got on his knees-”  
  
“STOP!” Louis had screamed, curling in on himself and rocking back and forth, covering his ears. He didn't want to hear any more.  
  
Harry choked, crying so hard he had sounded as though he could barely breathe. “I-I th-thought you'd alr-ready broken up with me o-over this LA thing, I-I would never-”  
  
“BUT YOU DID!” Louis had screeched, choking on his own saliva, his chest constricting as he fought to keep himself from hyperventilating. Harry's sobs had echoed his own. “I suppose it doesn't matter now, does it?” He whispered, breath hitching around another cry that wanted to tear from him. Wiping his eyes, he heard the carpet rustle as Harry had crawled toward him, face soaked with tears. Louis refused to meet his eyes. Hearing the pain in Harry's voice was one thing, but seeing it might shake him enough to stay. It wasn't a risk he could take, not now.  
  
“Please. _Please_. I'm s-so sorry,” Harry had whimpered. “I th-thought I'd lost you. You b-broke my heart when you said you wouldn't come w-with me.”  
  
“I said that in the heat of the moment.” Louis had hissed, pulling his hands from the other boy's grip. “Because you'd gone and made the decision without fucking talking to me first! But I would have followed you anywhere!”

As Louis had stood up from the sofa, Harry had wrapped his arms tightly around his hips. "No! _no!_ " he'd begged desperately, pressing his face into the shorter boy's stomach and wailing in a way that caused Louis' heart to break even more that it already had. But Louis wouldn't be swayed. He had pushed Harry away, leaving him slumped on the floor as he'd picked up his bags.  
  
“Goodbye, Harry.” Louis had quietly said, reaching the door. “I wish you... all the luck in the world with your band. You'll make it big, I know it.”  
  
“Not without you.” Harry had whispered back brokenly.

Louis had felt his very soul shattering to pieces that night as Harry's heartbroken cries echoed throughout the hallway, following him all the way to elevator. He had wanted desperately to run back, to curl himself around the younger boy and hold him until both of their pain subsided. He couldn't. Harry had betrayed him, fucked someone else, and Louis would not forgive that.

Louis had spent the next three months hiding at his mum's house, barely eating, barely sleeping, barely _living,_ while Harry had spent that time pleading with him, each time in a broken, grief-stricken voice to come home, promising he would never ever hurt Louis again, telling him he would do anything to prove it if only Louis would give him another chance.

Some days, it hurt so bad that he wanted nothing more than to crawl into Harry's lap and forget anything had ever happened. Forget just so the pain of being without the love of his life would end. But then his mind would flash to Harry fucking that bloke and his resolve would harden and his will to never be hurt again became an iron shell that he wrapped himself in.

Harry could make those promises until he was blue in the face, but Louis would never be able to trust that they were true, not anymore.

The only person he could depend on to keep himself whole, was himself. And so, no matter how Harry had begged and apologized, no matter how much remorse he had showed, Louis stuck to his guns.

He never went back.

After months of begging and heartsick apologies, Harry had finally stopped.  
  
Two weeks later Louis received a handwritten letter from Los Angeles. Harry had gone. The letter explained that he couldn't stay in England if he ever wanted to get over Louis, that he needed to be as far away as possible to heal, and while Louis had felt hurt, he'd also felt relief. If Harry wasn't around, he wouldn't have to worry about running into him in a restaurant or a bakeshop.

Louis had felt his heart clench as he was assaulted by a whole new set of memories. He'd met Harry in a bakeshop. He had been nearly seventeen and Harry fourteen. Jay had just began working at _Sweet Styles_ bakery and Louis had visited her one Saturday while she had been covering for Anne, the owner and her new best friend while she had an appointment. Upon walking in, Louis had noticed his mother was busy taking orders and had stood in the shorter line. When he'd gotten to the counter, he'd been met with bright emerald eyes set in the sweetest face he'd ever encountered. And his gran owned a farm with baby animals every spring, so that was saying something.

The boy had smiled at him, showing off a set of dimples that had melted Louis' heart on the spot. After that, Harry had become his shadow, never letting him out of his sight for long. The boy had even resorted to bringing him sweets to try and win his favour, often walking with Louis from the school to the bakeshop, where Louis would have his usual tea and biscuit while Harry would begin his shift.

Louis had put up with the free sweets for a week before explaining to the boy that he didn't need to buy his affections. Anne and Jay had found it adorable, seeing their sons so smitten. Or at least, Harry had been smitten and had no problem showing it, while Louis had been more shy about it because Harry was younger.

They had been friends for a while, spending every second together until one day during the summer when Harry had cornered him. Louis' first thought had been 'since when is he taller than I am?' The second had been... 'when did my little Haz grow up?' It had only been a year and a half since they'd met, and Harry had just turned sixteen.

Louis had always felt more than friendly feelings toward the boy, but that afternoon everything had boiled over. Harry had been sick of waiting and kissed him and again, Louis had melted. Harry had fucked him into the mattress that night, face buried against Louis' neck, hand clamped over his mouth as they attempted to keep quiet with Anne and Harry's sister, Gemma just down the hall. They had both been virgins, though even now with all his experience, Louis would never have guessed. Harry hadn't left him alone that night, filling him over and over, until Louis had actually cried from pleasure and over-stimulation, his little body covered in sweat, filled with come and loved by  _Harry_.

The next afternoon when they'd finally come downstairs, Anne had taken one look at them, at the bite marks littering Louis' neck and shoulders (impossible to hide in the summer heat) at the claw marks on her sons arms and love bites near his jaw and had raised her eyebrows at them. “If you break that bed, Harry. You're paying for a new one out of your own money.”

Both boys had been somewhat shocked, while Anne had rung Jay.

They were together for three wonderful years, moving in together the moment Harry graduated high-school. Harry had pursued music, doing gigs and working at the bakeshop while Louis had gone to Uni. It had been perfect, and Louis had honestly thought they would get married, dreamt about it. About having children and loving Harry until they were both old and grey, probably dying Notebook style. But life was a cruel thing, and they had been torn apart by bad choices that Louis refused to forgive even though he knew to the depths of his very soul that Harry was and always would be the love of his life, no matter who he ended up with.

One thing was for sure though, he would never allow Harry the opportunity to hurt him again.

Louis snapped out of his thoughts as the same ginger girl from before waved him over; she had a top hat in her hand. He took a step back and pointed, “Not wearing that.”  
  
Ignoring him, the girl reached up and placed the hat on his head on an angle. He glanced into the mirror to his left: he looked like a Magic Mike reject. The bloke in front of him was about to go on when ginger girl yanked him back by his elbow and pushed Louis ahead. Harry's band, **Transcending** began another song and Louis twitched: he'd heard it on the radio a couple times. The guitar and drums vibrated the stage now and Louis bit his lip, images of Harry playing still fresh in his mind as if he'd been to a show only yesterday.

When Harry's voice came over the microphone Louis knew it was go time and swallowed his nerves, making sure to keep his eyes straight ahead. Unfortunately, he could still see Harry's naked back, tattoos that hadn't been there five years ago beginning to glisten with sweat as his muscles worked rapaciously, the sticks twirling through his fingers flawlessly before they were playing again.

 _“[We don't have to go on dates](https://youtu.be/i87uV7dqdIc)_  
_You don't have to like my friends_  
_I won't get in your face when you're making other plans_  
_If you're tired of the taste, you can try another blend  
My heart will never break_

 _I_ _'m just here to break a sweat”_

Louis felt his eyes narrow as he wondered who Harry had written the song about, how many people he'd had 'Casual sex' with, not that he was in any position to judge. As he neared the end of the runway, Louis could see Niall, Zayn, Liam and Ed around the table at the end of the runway and he was tempted to hop onto it and dump the bucket of ice on Niall's head, but he'd probably just end up falling on his face, so that was out.

Doing a little pose, Louis took his hat off and flicked it into the crowd, winking at them to get another loud cheer before turning. He could feel Harry's eyes on him again but refused to acknowledge the man. Unfortunately, he was still able to make out his movements from the side, and grew angry. The sight of Harry shirtless, hair wild, muscles glistening as he kept up the rhythm still made Louis hot and bothered. And he fucking hated it. He fucking hated Harry.

-:-

Later that night Niall, the traitor, invited a few close friends back to his room to catch up on old times. Louis was more in the mood for a good fuck, well, a decent one, but he'd agreed. It wasn't like Indigo's dick was going to run away on him. He doubted it had that kind of skill.... not to say Indie was bad in bed, but for someone with such a huge cock, he didn't use it to it's full potential, that's all he was saying. If he did, Louis wouldn't be able to walk properly for at least a few hours... at least, that was how it had been when he was with Harry- motherfucker – Louis berated himself as he wrapped on the door three times. He had a feeling it wasn't even Indie's fault, more like Louis was too hung up to get into things properly.  
  
Niall opened the door, his face bright red, smile wide ... he was clearly half way to slosh town. “Lulu...c'mon! come in.” Niall slurred, waving him in and leaning on him heavily as he lead them down the steps and further into the room. Louis had to admit, it was a lovely room ...aside from Harry spread out on the impeccably white sofa like he owned the whole damned building.

Louis stopped and grabbed the bottle from Niall's hand, taking a deep pull. 

“Louis! My mate!” Ed Sheeran, Niall's cousin, greeted, raising a glass at him. Louis swallowed the huge mouthful of vodka without blinking and licked his lips before breaking into a wide smile, feeling his face flushing with the rush of alcohol.  
  
“How are you, Eddie-boy?” Louis asked, walking towards the middle of the room and stealing Niall's bottle in the process.  
  
“Same shite, different day, you know how it is.” Ed shrugged, taking another slug of his drink. “And you? It's been, what, three years?”  
  
“I'm good, I'm good. Running a pub with Layla and Landon. L3. Makes hunting a lot easier,” He trailed off suggestively with a wink before dropping onto the black sofa across from the white one Harry had taken over. He took another sip. “And you, Harold?”  
  
Harry glared at him. At least Louis thought it was a glare. It was somewhere between evil and nauseated. Odd mixture, that.  
  
“Been busy touring. Not as busy as you, though.” Harry answered flatly.  
  
Louis narrowed his eyes. He would not let that bastard get the better of him. He wouldn't. Smirking, Louis looked down coyly. “Mmm. You're probably right.”  
  
If Harry had any sort of feelings left for him (though he highly doubted it) the scene he'd witnessed earlier would be killing him; Harry had always been extremely possessive of him and it made him feel good to flaunt his very active sex life under his cheating ex-boyfriend's nose. He wanted Harry to know he'd ridden so many cocks that he'd completely forgotten the feel of his, forgotten how he'd whimpered in pain and clawed up Harry's back the first time. He hadn't of course, but Harry didn't know that.  
  
Harry's nostrils flared.  
  
Good.  
  
It carried on much the same the rest of the night, Niall laughing like a hyena, Ed asking questions, Zayn sitting beside Niall quietly, contributing a comment here and there, Louis making sex jokes and Harry grinding his teeth. Louis was a little tipsy as he swayed to the bathroom, snorting when he heard Niall say he wanted to watch porn. Niall was a complete pervert when he was drunk. Poor Zayn... or lucky Zayn, depending how one looked at it.

After washing his hands Louis made his way back down the hall, rolling his eyes when he heard lewd moans and slapping skin. Sure enough, as he rounded the corner the TV screen showed some little twink getting gangbanged. Niall was laughing, Zayn looked uncomfortable, Ed was shaking his head and Harry looked amused. 

Louis watched from the hall for a moment, finding their reactions entertaining. Just as Harry was taking a drink, and a close up was shown of the bloke on screen being spit-roasted and double penetrated, Louis smiled evilly. God was truly on his side tonight.  
  
Faking his topsy-turvy gait, Louis traipsed in and pointed to the screen with a wide smile. “I did that once!” He giggled. That was actually true. 

Niall exploded into another fit of laughter, Zayn's eyes bugged out, Ed looked like he was in some sort of mental pain and Harry choked before standing abruptly, the bottle clanking to the floor. “I'm knackered, boys.” He explained quickly, his voice shaking with what sounded like... hurt.

“Bye-bye Hazzaaaaa.” Niall waved as the others mumbled their goodnights. Louis waved as Harry passed, his heart giving a squeeze when the younger man glanced at him with the look of an animal that had been skinned alive. Guilt flooded Louis again but he quickly pushed it down, turning his back on his ex-boyfriend and hopping over the back of the sofa to make himself comfortable next to Ed. The door closed quietly and Louis told himself he was glad Harry was feeling something. He deserved it after everything Louis had gone through and he could guarantee that whatever Harry was feeling at the moment was nothing compared to the agony he felt five years ago.

-:-

Louis fell to the side with a breathless giggle, Indie slipping out of him with a grunt. “Jesus. You were wound up tonight.” The older man said in a dazed voice. Louis smiled. He'd literally just fucked the bloke's brains out, he was quite proud of himself.  
  
“Must be the constant sunshine and heat.”  
  
“Can we move here?”  
  
Snorting, Louis rolled over and hopped out of the bed, his ass tingling pleasantly with after shocks. He should ride Indie more often, at least he wasn't afr aid to let go, where as the other man always seemed to be scared of hurting him. He appreciated that, really, but not when he wanted to get his ass pounded.

No matter who he slept with, none of them ever did it _right_ , it seemed.

-:-

Louis was texting Niall as he made his way down the hall to the elevator to meet the boys for lunch when the slam of a door startled him into nearly dropping his phone. A shiver ran up his spine, the feeling that someone was behind him strong. He refused to turn around as he punched the button and waited for the doors to open.

“Pretending I'm not here? Mature”

Continuing his texts even though the conversation was over, Louis looked over his shoulder distractedly, raising his brows in his classic 'Excuse you?' way at a disheveled looking Harry.

“I'm not pretending anything. I just don't particularly care.” He hummed, looking back at his phone. “You look like shit, bed not comfortable?”  
  
“Thin walls.” Harry snapped and Louis had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Harry was his neighbor, it seemed.

“Are they? Hmm. I hadn't noticed.”

“But if you had, you wouldn't _particularly care_ , right?”  
  
Louis shrugged, not in the mood for this. Harry's tone told him he wanted to quarrel and he wasn't biting.

Surprisingly, when the doors closed, Harry remained quiet, linking his hands behind his back and staring straight ahead. Slightly annoyed, Louis went back to his phone; he'd been hoping Harry would say something, anything.

“Look,” Louis finally sighed. “We don't need to be.... like this. Niall's getting married, we're all friends. Let's... be civil.”

Again, Harry didn't speak.  
  
Louis huffed. “You know what. Fine. Bugger off.”

A tapping noise filled the elevator and Louis glanced down in irritation at Harry's restless foot – some things never changed. “I can be civil.” Harry mumbled petulantly, bouncing on his toes. The same familiar warmth he'd always felt toward the younger man began creeping back into his heart and Louis wanted stomp it down before it could grow.

He thought of that night, Harry pressing that boy against the wall, his hips pumping into him... he wanted to make Harry suffer. Wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt, wanted to turn him inside out and break him into pieces until there was nothing left but a cracked, barely held together shell.

Louis decided then and there that he would do just that. 


	2. Revenge & Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is turning out to be longer than I expected - there's one maybe two chapters left! Sorry for any mistakes!

Louis eyed the younger man speculatively.  Despite everything, he had to admit, Harry was gorgeous. As a teenager he'd been adorable with his childlike air and too big smile. He possessed those qualities still, yet his features were sharper now, jaw more defined, the set of his brows more intense. The hair was longer now too, and as much as Louis hated to admit it, it suited him. And since when did Harry wear hats? Harry side-eyed him, like he knew exactly what Louis was thinking. Not wanting to be caught staring, he leaned sideways against the opposite wall, pretending to fidget with his phone, hoping the elevator ride would be over soon.   


After another long moment of awkward silence, Louis let out a huff, blowing his fringe up off his forehead with the sudden rush of air. “Well. I guess that's agreed then. We'll be civil for Niall's sake.”

 

Harry pinched his  full  bottom lip between his thumb and index finger, looking from  the doors to  Louis' face and back  again before closing his eyes and nodding. “For Niall.”  He agreed.

When Harry looked at him again, Louis knew the answer to his earlier questions, knew he hadn't imagined the hurt looks the day before. T he wheels in his mind turned,  calculating how he could use this to his advantage.  It was clear that i f he wanted the younger man back, all he'd have to do was say the word and Harry would be there. Louis smirked internally. He could work with that –  he knew exactly which buttons to push.

First, he had to lure him in. It would be easy enough. Just pretend to be the same, awkward, insecure little teacup on the inside that he had been when they'd first met, that would do it.

“So...” Louis cleared his throat and crossed his arms. Too closed off. He uncrossed them again. “I've heard your music on the radio. You lot are doing well for yourselves.”

Harry pulled a face; brows lowered, lips jutting out and Louis could barely keep himself from laughing. Harry was twenty-one and somehow still managed to look four  years old .  Easy target.  “We have.” He said slowly, nodding. Louis faked a soft smile.“I knew you would. There are a lot of musicians out there and not all of them have that something special, you always did. I'm happy for you, Haz. I truly am.” He was actually, he could afford to say that now because he knew Harry would question every word that came out of his mouth soon enough.  


Harry returned the smile for a moment before his face looked pained once again. “Thanks, Lou. It means... a lot coming from you. Do... do you like running... L3, was it?”  
  
“I do. It's... not the life I pictured,” He snorted,  understatement.  “But I'm happy.” Happy was probably too strong of a word, he was... he wasn't miserable, at least.  And after he was finished with Harry, he would be a lot better. “Everything worked out, didn't it?”  It hadn't, but it would if Louis had anything to say about it.   


Harry swallowed before looking back up, lips quirking in a smile. “I'm... happy for you as well, Lou.” 

  
Louis cleared his throat again. “So... you guys are playing at the wedding? That's pretty sick.”  
He watched Harry shift and lean back against the elevator wall, hands gripping the railing tight behind his back.  Harry was nervous. Good.   
  
“Er... Niall and Zayn e  r m... they want original songs.... like, a surprise? I guess? It's a bit of work but, anything for a friend.”  
  
Louis wanted slam his face against the wall repeatedly. He'd somehow thought this would be easier.  He had to disolve the awkwardness if he wanted this to work . He  also  wanted to scream. “Original songs? Like they want you to write original love songs for their wedding?” He  laughed . “Typical. How many have you got done?”

 

“Honestly? Like... two. I haven't have the... inspiration. I figured if I spent some time around them... it'd help, but...”

  
“We've only been here a day, Haz. Give it time.”  
  
“My mind isn't working correctly, unfortunately.” Harry shifted, digging the heel of his left boot into the toes of his right foot. “Insomnia.”  
  
“Insomnia, _You?_ ” Louis raised his brows in surprise. “You could fall asleep on a roller coaster.”  
  
Harry pulled another ridiculously childish face. “I could in fact, not. I hate roller coasters.”

“Still? Huh. Thought Cali might have cured that.”

“Some things are just impossible to get over, I guess.” 

  
Louis looked down, biting his tongue in an effort not to shout in Harry's face. Pushing it down, he looked back up and something vindictive slithered through him in it's place. “Maybe we aren't meant to get over some things.”  
  
Cruel satisfaction zipped up his spine when a flicker of hope shone through those green eyes. Louis couldn't wait to shred it. Biting his lip seductively, he blinked up at Harry through his lashes.

The door pinged. Louis reached out to push the button to their floor. Harry let out a soft sound and lunged forward, arms winding around him tightly as he captured his mouth in a desperate kiss. Hmm. That was easier than he thought it would be. Louis felt his heart constricting as it became more and more obvious that Harry didn't just have feelings for him, but still loved him.

Again, he invoked the memory of that night five years ago and the floodgates slammed shut once more. Reaching up, Louis tangled his fingers in the curls he had loved once as Harry caressed his jaw softly, lovingly. It made him hate the other boy even more. Louis tipped his head back against the elevator wall, silently inviting Harry's plush lips to taste his neck. He really hoped Indie hadn't left any marks, he couldn't afford Harry running away from him just yet. If there were marks, Harry didn't notice or didn't care as he began sucking a bruise over his pulse, hands sliding up and down the smaller man's body like he couldn't get enough, the vibrations of his moans giving Louis goosebumps.

When the door pinged open for the third time, he squealed as Harry lifted him bridal style and began carrying him to his room. Louis let out a fake moan ( _it was fake goddamn it_ ) and leaned into Harry, taking the opportunity to leave wet kisses along his jaw, brushing long curls to the side for easier access. Harry growled, somehow managing to hold him while sliding the card in the slot to open the door. Once inside, Harry pushed him onto the bed gently, kissing him again, soft and wet, and loving.

Louis wanted to shove him away. It wasn't supposed to feel like this. Irritated, he growled, using the strength in his thighs to flip them over, sinking his teeth into Harry's bottom lip and swiveling his hips, grinding his ass into the hardness beneath him. 

Harry groaned, his hands tightening on Louis' hips. “Slow.” he murmured. “Missed you, wanna enjoy this.”  
  
Bastard.

Leaning forward again, Louis nipped at full pillowed lips, feeling and tasting Harry's tongue as it slipped into his mouth. Stomach coiling with heat he hadn't felt in years, Louis fought for control of his body. This wasn't supposed to be about pleasure but... Louis thought he deserved it after everything. And it wasn't like he was forgiving Harry, not that Harry understood this.

  
“Missed you so much.” Harry mumbled as he kissed Louis' throat reverently. “God, I missed you. Nearly died without you.”  
  
Squeezing his eyes closed, Louis wanted to tell Harry to shut up, to call him a lair. If he'd missed him so much, why hadn't he come back? Maybe if Harry had come back a year later, Louis would have been more open to working things out. Then again, maybe he wouldn't have. He still couldn't forgive. He couldn't. Louis didn't speak, occupying his mouth with Harry's skin until he was flipped over once more.

Harry made quick work of stripping them both and Louis nearly burst into tears when they were finally flush together - he felt so tiny underneath Harry. He had shrunk while Harry had packed on muscle it seemed. He traced a tattoo with his index finger. Back then, he never would have taken Harry for a tattoo person, but they suited him. “Think I'd look good with one?” He wondered aloud and Harry groaned against his neck, dragging his hands down his waist.

He heard a “Fuck, yes.” before teeth tugged at his nipple, making him arch and dig his fingers in Harry's hair, nails scraping all the way down his back. Harry seemed to lose it then, leaving bite marks anywhere his lips could reach before leaning over to pull the drawer open on the nightstand, dropping a bottle of lube on the bed.  
  
Louis was throbbing, so needy he wanted to cry. He hadn't felt like this for years. Goddammit. He writhed and moaned, too lost in sensation to even consider faking as Harry stretched him. The dark look that crossed the younger man's face when he realized Louis was already pretty well stretched made him want to hide under the bed, or apologize or... _something_. It wasn't a feeling he was used to. Louis hissed in pain when the hand curled around his hip bone squeezed, nails biting and nearly breaking skin as Harry paused.  
  
“Harry?” He whispered, worried now.  
  
“We... we shouldn't...you're with someone.”  
  
Oh the irony. He just had to bring it up. Fuck. Talk about a mood killer. Louis cleared his throat. “Indie and I aren't... exclusive.”

If he'd thought that would help matters at all, he was dead wrong. Harry's eyebrows lowered until they were a dark shadow over his eyes. Louis had seen that look before and it made him squirm, heat licking over his skin like flames. Before Harry's mind conjured up images that while probably accurate, would kill the mood all together, Louis wanted to enjoy it. Again, he flipped them, straddling Harry, stretching his arms over their heads and _mewling_ , tongue flicking out to catch Harry's bottom lip. The younger man's face went blank for a moment before Louis felt large hands cupping his ass. He smiled and braced himself on Harry's chest with one hand while leaning over to open the re-open the drawer, snatching a condom before closing it again. It was odd for them. From the first time they had had sex, they had never used condoms, both feeling it was impersonal, but back then, neither of them had ever had sex with anyone else. Now though, it wasn't an option. Louis might have wanted to get revenge on Harry but giving him an STD wasn't how he planned on doing it. Though he never fucked without a condom these days and was nearly positive he was clean, he wouldn't risk it.

Bringing the wrapper up to his mouth, Louis tore it with his teeth his eyes meeting Harry's and seeing a deep set sadness for a heartbeat before it was gone. Again, Louis felt a wave of guilt sweeping over him, what the fuck. It wasn't like he'd cheated for fuck's sake! _Cheated_. Louis ground his teeth, eyes flicking to a pillow as he rolled the condom onto Harry, forcing himself to get a _grip._

Harry's hands wrapped around his hips as he sank down, thumbs rubbing circles over his hipbones the way they always had when Louis rode him. Louis started shaking, another wave of emotion crashing over him as he fully seated himself with Harry in hip as deep as possible. His first thought was, it didn't feel right with the condom between them, not with Harry. His second thought was 'sofullsofullsofull' it didn't seem to matter that he'd been with other men, because Harry was still stretching him to his limits and Louis wanted to cry.

“Still tight as a virgin.” Harry muttered and Louis' arms gave out, his chest colliding with Harry's as a laugh burst from him. When he pulled back enough to see green eyes, they were giving him the kitten-in-a-pot-of-boiling-water look again. Louis swallowed the lump of guilt (fucking cunt) and began moving his hips, causing a hiss to fall from Harry's kiss swollen lips. At this angle, Harry's cock dragged directly over his prostate on every pass and soon he was a whimpering mess. He tried burying his face against Harry's throat but the bastard caught him by the hair, forcing there eyes to meet.  
  
“Look at me.” He growled, snapping his hips up almost brutally. “Want you to know exactly who's fucking you.”

Louis' mouth fell open with a cry, face flushing a deep red with the rush of pleasure, his body clenching around Harry's as the younger man began fucking up into him ruthlessly. Little sobs were punched from his body every time Harry's hips connected with his and helplessly, he spread his thighs, bringing him down further so Harry's cock could hit deeper. His skin felt too tight, his climax building already. If Louis had been able to think clearly, he would have been berating himself for allowing Harry to take him apart so easily. Instead, all he was capable of doing was taking deep stabs of cock that he could feel in his fucking stomach. The thought had him shuddering in pleasure and reaching between them. For a moment, Harry looked as if he would stop him until he saw Louis press his hand against his lower belly as though he were trying to feel Harry moving inside him. Harry's hand joined his, applying pressure just as he gave a particularly hard thrust. A choked, breathless cry tore from Louis, his spine stiffening as his hips began rolling down frantically, goosebumps erupting all over as his body convulsed, clenching around Harry, his orgasm ripped from him faster than he was accustomed.

Before he was even finished, he felt his world tilt and suddenly he was on his back, knee trapped under Harry's shoulder as the bigger man began utterly slamming into him. Louis felt his eyes rolling back in his head, hitched sobs falling from his lips each time Harry rammed inside, feeling as though his orgasm was starting all over again, and he _couldn't stop coming_ , Harry prolonging it with every brutal thrust. It had never felt so good. Louis' nails tore up Harry's back, acting on some deep seated instinct to mark, to _claim_ , and it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. He arched sharply when he felt Harry's teeth sinking into his shoulder, the sharp 'give' telling him the skin had broken, he didn't care. “Harry!”

Harry shuddered and let out a long choking noise against his neck, hips slowing to a deep, desperate drag as he came, while Louis was surprised by the rush of disappointment he felt when wet heat didn't gush inside him.

After disposing of the condom Harry kissed him, soft and passionate before curling up next to him, nuzzling his neck like a kitten despite having fucked his brains out. Louis had always marveled at how he could go from dominating to soft and sweet within seconds.

“Missed you.” Harry whispered, somehow managing to make himself smaller so he could curl up next to him. “I love you so much Lou. More than anything, always will. I'll do anything you ask of me, just please,” his breathing hitched and Louis felt the vibrations. “please don't take yourself from me again.” Louis didn't answer, feigning sleep and calm despite the tide of emotion rising in him. Harry sighed, and pressed a wet kiss to Louis' jaw before drifting off himself.

Louis' heart clenched with guilt and borderline regret but he pushed it back down. The bastard wouldn't make him feel, not again. It never ended well. He would get revenge and it would feel fucking great, better than the sex had been, and then, he would bury every last ounce of emotion he'd ever held for the man next to him and move on with his life.

Lucky for him, Harry slept like the dead after sex.

Sliding out of the bed quietly as possible, Louis pulled on his shorts, grabbed his tshirt and sunglasses and tiptoed from the room. Frowning at his phone when he realized he had twelve missed messages, Louis decided it could wait as he headed for the bathroom for a shower, keeping his mind carefully blank lest he run right back to Harry's room and crawl back into bed with him and... No. No. Louis was going to use Harry's feelings against him, make him _understand_. It was nothing he didn't deserve. If he had loved Louis the way he claimed, he wouldn't have fucked someone else and ruined everything they'd had. Fuck Harry. And fuck his “ _love_ ”.

-:-

“Hello boys.” Louis hummed as he dropped next to Indie on the sand, stretching out on the towel – Zayn hummed from his spot and Niall was frolicking in the ocean. Ed was probably still sleeping.

Indie eyed him over his sunglasses. “Where've you been?”  
  
“Wouldn't you like to know.”

“Found someone to play with, huh?”

Louis smirked. “Mmm... maybe.”

“Why wasn't I invited?” Indie pouted, pushing himself onto his elbow to lean over Louis.

Something ugly twisted inside Louis at the words; something dark and possessive that he hadn't felt in years. He would swan dive into a fucking volcano before he shared Harry. _Stop._  
Instead of verbalizing those thoughts and sounding like Hannibal Lecter, he merely shrugged before stretching his arms over his head, wincing when the movement tugged at the fresh bite mark on his shoulder. He blushed when he noticed Indie eyeing the mark, thank God it was sunny and he could pass it off as heat. “You never let me mark you up...”  
  
Louis shrugged again and could practically feel Indie's eyes narrowing behind the sunglasses. “So who was it?”  
  
If he shrugged again Indie would probably shove a handful of sand down his throat. “Old friend.”  
Before Indie could answer, Niall had jogged over, kicking sand all over them and making Louis yelp. “Tosser!”  
  
Niall ignored him, shaking his hair everywhere and laughing when Louis kicked at his shins. “Anybody seen Harry?”

Biting his lip, Louis pretended to people watch, ignoring the way Indie's face went from curious to suspicious. “Oi! Have a run-in with a vampire, Lou?” Niall laughed, batting his knee as he took his spot beside Zayn. “Should be more careful with him, Indie. He's delicate, like a flower.”

Louis' face flushed but Indie answered before he could. “Don't blame me.”

Niall looked confused then. “I though you were dating...”  
  
“Friend's with benefits.”

“Oh. Okay.” Niall smiled again, turning back to Zayn. Louis shook his head. Niall had always been a live and let live kind of bloke.

  
After a few hours in the sun, Louis was more than ready for a nap, because he was secretly an old lady in a twenty-three year old body.  
  
When they got back to the room, Indie pulled him in for a kiss, clearly horny, but Louis felt his stomach twist when his hands came to rest on his waist, his mind screaming 'wrongwrongwrong' and he knew it was because of Harry and he hated it. Angry with himself, he allowed it, despite not wanting it.

“You're going to be so wrecked by the end of this vacation.” Indie murmured against his chin.

Louis didn't answer, letting himself be undressed for the second time that day.

-:-

That night they all decided to meet for dinner, Louis feeling refreshed after another shower and nap and he was ready for a night of fun. When they arrived, the meet-up table was empty except for Harry and Ed, the ginger man talking away while Harry barely seemed to be listening, only looking up when Louis and Indie approached the table. Another squeeze of guilt coiled inside him but Louis ignored it, letting Indie pull out his chair for him. Harry downed the rest of his drink before he spoke, voice cracking. “This hotel has thin walls.” 

  
Louis examined his nails with feigned boredom while both Indie and Ed looked confused, though the first understood after a moment. “Change rooms if it bothers you.”  
  
“I thought-”  
  
Scoffing, Louis pulled his best bitchface and ignored the hurt in Harry's green eyes. “You thought...? What? I'd just fall into your arms again and we'd live happily ever after? Please. I wanted cock and you were the closest. End of.” He gave him a scathing look, “It's not my fault you assumed it was more.”

Harry looked away, but not before Louis caught a glimpse of the impact of the blow he'd just delivered. Harry spoke then, voice shaking though it was obvious he was trying to keep it under control. “Louis, can, can we talk in private?”

Pushing down his own response to that look, Louis rolled his eyes. “What for? There's nothing more to say. Bottle it and write another song if you want, but I came here to have fun, not listen to you whine and embarrass yourself again. It's just sad.”  
  
The chair screamed against the floor as Harry suddenly shoved to his feet, nearly knocking over a waiter as he quickly made his way out of the room.

Louis wanted to vomit.

The angry heat of Ed's gaze only fueled his shame, but he met it head on regardless. “What?” He growled, redirecting his anger at himself to Ed. “There's no point in letting him hope for something that will never happen.”

The ginger man shook his head sadly as he stood. “You've changed, Louis.”

“You say that like it's a bad thing.” He replied, looking away as Ed followed Harry.

Louis waited for the shame and hurt to be replaced with the satisfaction he'd been so sure he would feel, but it never came. Instead, all he think think of was the wounded look in Harry's eyes. All he could feel was remorse and self-loathing mixed with the need to find Harry. He wouldn't, though.

Getting drunk was easier.

-:-

After nearly ten minutes of searching for his friend, Ed finally spotted Harry pushing his way through the crowd, heading in the direction of the bathroom and followed.

“H! Oi!”

Harry glanced in his direction, eyes red. “I'm fine.” He muttered, pushing the door open, “Or at least I will be.”

“No.” Ed replied sharply, hand coming down on his friend's shoulder to stop him from disappearing into a stall. “Give it to me.” He reached for the small bundle in Harry's hand, nearly falling when he was shoved backwards with surprising force.

Harry glared at him. “Fuck you. If I want to numb myself for a night, I will. It's none of your goddamn business!”

“Getting wasted isn't the answer! You know that!”

“Fuck. Off. Ed.” Harry warned, moving too quick for Ed to stop him this time and locking himself in the stall. Ed punched the door, cursing. Harry had always been stubborn and reckless when it came to his feelings for Louis, and it terrified him at times, the power that little bastard held over his friend. If Louis asked Harry to find a way to behead the Queen of England, he would do it, no questions asked, even now after they've been apart for five years, Louis' hold on him was ironclad.

The sad part was, Louis didn't seem to understand this, didn't realize he could tell Harry to stand in the middle of traffic and he would. It wasn't his fault, but you had to be careful when you held that kind of power over someone, and what Louis said tonight might as well have come in the form of bullets.

Ed rattled the door again when he heard rustling. “Harry, for fucks sake!”  
  
When there was no reply, Ed leaned back against the sink. There was nothing he could do to stop Harry at this point, but he'd be damned if he'd let the dumb ass out of his sight.

After the initial sound of whatever Harry had gotten his hands on being unwrapped, there was no sound from the other side of the stall door despite Ed talking to get a reaction. When a tapping noise echoed through the room, Ed realized exactly what Harry had gotten his hands on. This was not good. “C'mon mate. Just... come and have a few drinks, yeah?”

Again, Harry didn't reply. “Harry, please, come out of there now.”

A loud inhale came then, and more silence. “Harr-” His words were interrupted but a gagging noise and a thump. “Harry open the fucking door!”

More retching and the locking rattling before Harry finally appeared, a dazed expression on his face as he fell forward, face smashing into his shoulder. “Harry? Jesus... what...”

“Wrong. S'wrong, wrong, feel wrong.” Harry muttered breathlessly against his arm, barely able to remain standing but when he attempted to help, Harry pushed away and staggered for the door. Ed followed and tried again to get a grip on his friend, they needed to leave, Harry was clearly experiencing a bad trip. Quickly catching up, Ed, guided him toward the exit, worry slamming into him when the lights glistened off of Harry's sweat drenched face, his breathing shallow. He realized then that he needed to call the paramedics.  
  
Just as he reached for his phone Harry's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he was gone, falling backwards from Ed's grip and hitting the floor. Ed watched in horror as his friend began to convulse and thrash, choking noises leaving his mouth. “HELP!” he screamed. “HELP SOMEONE HELP”  
He sensed a crowd forming, lights flashing as some people recognized Harry and took pictures. He wanted to kill them. Someone dropped down on Harry's other side, muttering into a phone.

“The paramedics will be here soon,” the man assured but all Ed could think was 'that’s not going to help him NOW'

  
-:-

Louis was ignoring Niall's prattle in favour of enjoying the music; he was about to down his second shot when he saw people moving toward the front of the building in packs and wondered if maybe a car accident had happened outside. Shrugging he lifted the glass to his lips when Niall suddenly shot out of his seat, shoving his phone in his back pocket. “Harry! It's Harry.”

Fire and ice settled in his veins, and Louis was out of his chair in a second, his heart nearly pounding out of his chest as he left Niall, Zayn and Indie behind, shoving through the ground using every ounce of strength he possessed, his only thought 'get to Harry' 

Spotting a flash of red, he pushed through and felt his stomach drop to the floor at the sight that awaited him.

Looking away from Harry's body where it was spread out on the floor long enough to take in the way people were swarming around him, Louis felt rage mixing with frantic worry. “BACK OFF!” he screamed, shoving at people left and right, pushing them away from Harry. “Give them space, BACK THE FUCK OFF!”

Only a handful of people seemed to listen as he dropped to his knees beside Harry, who was convulsing. No. _Please God no_. Harry blurred as tears filled his vision but he quickly brushed them away, leaning over and unable to do anything but plead. “Stay with me, Harry. Please. Baby. Please stay with me.” He begged quietly, shooting a pleading look at Ed, who was a mess.

“He took something! I tried to stop him-”

“Give me your jacket!”  
  
Ed didn't ask questions as he pulled it off, handing it to Louis who balled it up and pushed it under Harry's head. “Help me turn him onto his side, Ed.” He tried to keep his voice calm, if Harry could hear him, the last thing he needed was panic. As Harry continued to thrash, Louis couldn't stop the tears from falling as he braced his knees and thighs near Harry's back so he couldn't roll over again, and gently stroked his long hair off his face. “Harry,” he spoke softly, “Help is coming, you'll be alright, I'm here, Ed's here, you're not alone. We won't leave you. Just stay with me love, hold onto my voice, Harry.” As he continued uttering soft, comforting words, he had a difficult time to keep himself from shouting at the people who were watching this play out like a movie – did they have no compassion or respect? This would be all over the internet in seconds and it was disgusting. He wished he could break every camera and phone in the room, but that would mean leaving Harry. And he wouldn't, not again. Never again.

The paramedics were suddenly there, asking questions as they began working on Harry. Harry. His Harry. Don't take him. Let him live, dear God let him live. Live. _Live. Live._  

Louis watched it all play out in slow motion, hearing Ed's 'I don't know what he took, I think it might've been speed but I can't be sure'

He felt sick. As they put Harry on the stretcher, Louis shot to his feet, demanding he be allowed to ride with them and leaving them no room for argument.  
  
As he watched the love of his life being hooked up to machines to keep him alive, everything became crystal clear to Louis. And if his earlier words were the last thing he ever said to Harry, he knew he wouldn't outlive the younger man by long.

A loud piercing sound filled the small space and Louis felt his heart stop, too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me for the cliffy! What happens to Harry here is personal for me - my older brother died from an OD before I was a teenager and I always wanted to address it in a story so I guess this is the one.

**Author's Note:**

> Harry obviously didn't write the songs he performs in this fic, but let's pretend he did. Links to the songs are in the lyrics. I recommend listening to Undisclosed Desires by Muse, it's actually my favourite song, and I thought it was perfect for this fic.
> 
> Thoughts/Theories?
> 
> P.S. L3 is a throwback to a show I used to be obsessed with called Charmed. The club the sisters owned was called P3.


End file.
